A Woman Wipes the Face of Jesus

By tradition and a handy little play on words, her name is Veronica, meaning true (vera) image (icon).  Like Simon of Cyrene, she’s a stranger to the narrative of Jesus’s life and teachings, although she might have been one of the women who followed him around.  But she only steps into the story as a distinct actor in this moment, when she wipes his face with a cloth as he trudges to the cross.  She is known to us for this single action in what I imagine must have been an otherwise very full life.  Did she fall in love, have children, find her way to purpose in a thousand small ways, like the rest of us do?  I hope so.  Her legend didn’t really develop until the 14th c., so there aren’t any stories of her going and evangelizing in some far off corner of the world, although she is credited with using the cloth that she wiped Jesus’s face with to cure the Emperor Tiberius.  Since Tiberius was a miserably cruel and misanthropic man, I’m left wondering whether this was a good thing.

When the dust clears, what we see is a woman holding a veil, and that’s about it.  The dirt and grime of Jesus’s face is imprinted on the veil.  I’m tempted here to write something pithy about the veils that we all wear, the way we struggle to show our true selves to other people.  But really I just want to sit with the image of Veronica wiping the face of Jesus – the sense of having come into contact with something strange and mysterious and terrible, the fear and wonder, the knowledge that she has had the courage to show her love, the awareness that doing so is a very small thing, but also so profound that people will ponder it for ages to come.

The Cross is Laid on Simon of Cyrene

I’m powerfully struck by the notion that Simon of Cyrene was just a stranger, a man on his way into Jerusalem who knew nothing of Jesus or his teachings.  Some soldier saw him, and decided to expand the mocking and torture of one Jew to another Jew, making no distinction between the person on his way to be crucified and the man who was simply passing in the street.  Brutal power often behaves in this way – it has no interest in the individual, but is interested in repressing a people, and always wants to bring home the message that what is done to one person can easily be done to anyone.  This is violence without hatred – a clinical violence that chooses to make victims so that everyone will be quelled and afraid.
Did Simon glance at Jesus as he was carrying the cross?  Did he wonder about this man who seemed to have followers, who was met by women and trailed by disciples?  Portrayals in legend and culture show him becoming a disciple, claiming that his carrying of the cross was somehow transformative.  And I think that it must have been.  If noting else, it would remind him of his own fragility, the danger he and everyone else were in daily.  But since I view the carrying of the cross as a powerful metaphor for the spiritual life, I tend to believe that to actually carry the cross is to be provided with a frame through which to view one’s own suffering.  I don’t know what other suffering in life Simon must have endured, but perhaps that brief moment on the streets of Jerusalem gave him a way to think about, feel within, and live with suffering.

Jesus Meets His Afflicted Mother

This station brings up for me, and probably for every parent, all of the deep, continuous fears that we have for our children.  My own daughter is thirteen now, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop being afraid for her.  Throughout the day little fears grip me, and I pray for her, asking God to protect her.  I don’t entertain the illusion that this means she’ll never suffer harm or hardship.  The prayers are for me, so that I can feel that I’ve done something.  If God incarnate had to suffer, it seems unlikely that my own beloved child can escape it.  And of course she’ll learn and grow through suffering, as we all do.  But, oh, is it hard to watch.
Mary’s child lived in a more dangerous time and place than I do, and reflecting on her heightens my awareness of all of those parents in the world who are living in constant and rational terror that their children will be killed.  Again and again I see photos of refugee children washed up on the shores of the Mediterranean, their dead bodies held by strangers.  An illusion of some degree of control is probably necessary for surviving parenthood, but for these children’s parents that illusion no longer exists.  They couldn’t control war, or the sea, or the actions of strangers who might or might not be kind to them.  I know that they reached towards their children, trying to bless and save them.  I know that, if they are still alive, they are living on the cross.

Jesus Falls for the First Time

I wrote this small prayer when I started this project:
A Prayer Before Painting
May I give up control.
May the image be my friend, and speak to me.
May it assert itself gently, and sometimes agree to the direction of my hand.
May it see me as I, patiently, try to see it.
May the quiet of God sit in my mind as I paint.
May my own quiet listen.
Having written this prayer, I’ve been having a hard time living up to it.  The paintings I made for the first two stations were overworked, because I was trying very hard to control them.  The painting I made for this third station is more willful.  I told myself that I would allow it to be as free as I could, that I would accept accidents as they happened, that I would rejoice in all the small serendipities that develop when I try to put paint to paper.
I’m glad that I was able to give up some of my control as I painted the third station, because Jesus’s first fall while carrying the cross is his own moment of lack of control.  It comes early in the stations – not when he’s physically or spiritually exhausted, but when he’s just starting out.  In some ways this makes it harder to take.  There’s no excuse that can be given for it, it just happens.  I find it to be true in my own life that I’m more willing to accept my mistakes when I can rationalize them.  It’s the mistakes that catch me unawares and that I make for no apparent reason that I struggle with the most.

Jesus Takes Up His Cross

I painted the cross small, because I don’t think I’m the only one who minimizes hard experiences at their outset.  One way of coping with coming pain is to tell ourselves that it’s not going to be that bad.  And when we begin the journey to our own personal crosses, it often really isn’t that bad at first.  The upset of change hasn’t really taken hold yet, and we have a lot of old resources to draw on.  It’s only when we realize that the process of change will take a long time, and that those resources will diminish and maybe be forgotten, that the true agony of bearing our crosses really sets in.  So here, at the beginning of Jesus’s journey to his crucifixion, the cross is rather small, although still significant.